The Final Stretch -Part 2-

I do not think I fully achieved all that I wanted to because I'm still having very similar problems now as I did when the class started. However, I would not change my goals because they are exactly what I need to improve my college level writing. Being able to write clear and concise thesis statements and supporting paragraphs are the very essence of an essay. Without them, you basically have a jumbled up mess. 

The strengths I would like to continue working on would be to analysis texts and correctly use the rhetorical situation. My weaknesses are mentioned above.

The Final Stretch -Part 1-

For my portfolio I chose to revise my argument analysis. The strengths of my argument analysis were that I made some good points and I clearly put some thought and effort. The weakness were that I did not clarify my points and my evidence was not clearly tied to my thesis.

When revising my essay, I am going to clarify any and all pieces of evidence found within my supporting paragraphs. I am going to do so my asking myself how I could reword the information so that I might be able to understand if I were a reader of my own paper. For my personal response, I will relate the analysis section to my own personal experience with searching for a college. Overall, I plan to make the idea of the authors' bias writing be known throughout the paper.

"The believer is happy, the doubter is wise."

The most enjoyable essay I've written for this class is the ad analysis. I consider myself a young activist, and being able to chose an ad worthy of discussion made my day. Although I chose a Pedigree ad, I actually wanted to do one that had so many racist symbols in it. But for the sake of this blog post, I'll talk about the Pedigree one instead.

One of the first things you'll know about me is my love for animals. They bring joy into my life. When I first laid eyes on the series of Pedigree ads, I couldn't help but chose one for my paper. Not only did I get to write about a topic I'm passionate about, but I also had an OK time putting it together. There was structure. What I mean is that I could essentially break down the different parts of the essay into a well-organized outline: ad summary, meaning, target audience, etc. It was very clear as to what I needed to write in order to succeed. That doesn't mean it was the easiest to write, but at least I knew what to strive for in order to get a passing grade. Plus, who could resist the urge to talk about poor ol' shelter doggies? 

Strong and Weak Evidence

My essay is about why imposing a high tax on unhealthy foods in America will not help combat obesity, and is ultimately a bad idea.

Evidence Chart

Pathos

1. Sometimes I don't have time to make a proper meal at home, especially on busy days when I go to school and work. Buying a quick snack goes a long way during those moments.
2. People are responsible for their own weight, not the products.
3. It isn't fair for working, healthy Americans to pay more because of other people abusing the industry.

Logos 

1. The government already taxes income, alcohol, sales, and just about everything else in life.
2. Will effect poor people more than anybody else.
3. If junk food becomes expensive while healthy foods are just as expensive as they've always been, then what justice does that bring?
4. People still smoke, drink, and gamble even though there are taxes on all three.

Ethos

1. The tax provides income for the government.
2. It serves as a deterrent.
3. Money could fund programs regarding childhood obesity.
4. Junk food is not only too convenient, but also cheap; making it more expensive will encourage other foods to be eaten.
5. Where do you draw the line between healthy and unhealthy foods?

My most compelling evidence is my claim that the poorest people in our country would end up paying more in the long run because a high percentage of their income goes to food. Also, their main source of food comes from convenient stores and fast food chains, which sell all kinds of unhealthy products. This is strong evidence because it can be related to other legislative tax increases. Well-off or rich people don't suffer from a few percentage increases because they have the money. People who live from pay check to pay check don't have many options. They may sacrifice their health for a job or, in this case, eating food period. I will probably use this piece of evidence as my last example.

My weakest evidence is my claim that the government already taxes other vices, including alcohol, cigarettes, gas, and gambling. A person arguing against this idea could easily say, "Well, one more tax won't hurt," or that the tax will help those who eat too much. To strengthen this evidence, I will admit to by saying they are right to a certain extent; no one likes to pay more money. I will bring up cigarettes, for example, have been taxed more, yet people continue to smoke anyway. People would be willing to pay extra to get what they want.

Analyzing and Writing Arguments

I wrote my argument analysis paper based on the Get Smart About College article. These are the three points I have learned from analyzing the authors' argument:

1. Saum and McPherson had well written body paragraphs to support their main idea. In those paragraphs, they stated a few objections a skeptical reader might have about college and replied with some plausible explanations. Although I do not believe their explanations are entirely true, this method strengthen the overall quality of the article by making the authors seem less bias than they already are.
2. The authors wrote their article in an appropriate tone, which is friendly and understanding. The people mostly likely reading the article are concerned parents and confused students. It would have been counterproductive if the authors wrote in a tactless tone. Therefore, I now know how I present my words can be just as important as what I present.
3. The last thing I noticed is the evidence provided. The authors mention percentages and statistics throughout the paper. This weaken their argument because the audience does not know where they are receiving the information from. If I want my paper to be a strong one, I will make sure to provide substantial evidence to support my claim.

Peer Review

The peer review is very effective. Personally, I like meeting with one of my classmates instead of two or more people because we can really focus on each others' writing. Although the provided questions on the peer review sheet are not difficult to read, they can be difficult to understand while reviewing a rather complicated paper. The fault of this issue does not weigh heavily on the questions as much as it does on the students' understanding of the assignment. So I guess the only way it can be improved is to ask more questions for a better comprehension. This also ties into the weakness of a peer reviewer. If I do not fully understand the assignment, then I could potentially send another peer down the wrong path. Another one of my weaknesses is the drafting stages and deadlines. Most times, I can't type a full paper for a draft. I space out the weeks before the final deadline to write sections of the paper, and then have someone look over everything. The most I would have prepared for a draft peer review are the body paragraphs and central idea. Everything else that might be included (the conclusion, intro, and thesis) feel "rushed." Therefore, I don't bring my best ideas to the table. My strength is my grammar skills. I'm not perfect, but I always have a gut feeling (and use of past grammar classes) when a sentence uses improper grammar. 

My ideal peer review process is in a semi-casual setting with no judgements toward a paper. I find it helpful to do peer review after I have understood the concepts and have written an entire draft. One on one works best for me since larger groups tend to get off topic. The amount of time is okay. I like the fact that we are able to have more than one day to review. During the first article argument review session, I made mini deadlines to my peer reviewer. For example, I mentioned one of my weakness is not having a complete draft. I told my peer I would have a thesis or a personal analysis ready for him by the next meeting. He gave me tips and ideas on how I could construct the missing parts of my paper.

Persistant Little Buggers

The half-way mark of Writing I has arrived...with a vengeance. I would look at both of my papers, but one is currently unavailable...*ahem*. Anyway, here are my patterns of error I have identified within my papers:

1. I never get to the point of my paragraphs. Imagine a friend telling you and everyone around about her near-death experience. The beginning of her story draws everyone's attention, while the middle keeps them on their toes. Suddenly, she skips the most important part: the whole point of the story. Everybody wonders, "Why did XYZ happen?!" No one will ever know because she completely disregarded the significance. That's a more 'exciting' version what happens in my paragraphs. This makes the audience not want to continue reading my paper. Honestly, who wants to be strung along? 
• Writing the significance of each paragraph is probably my most difficult task in writing. I cannot guarantee my success in always correcting this mistake, but I could try to ask myself, "Okay...the point of ____ is...?"
2. The word that is constantly used throughout my paper. I was able to catch this error while writing a sociology paper. When I realized I use that too much, I had to look back on my ad analysis paper. And sure enough, I found more than plenty of the word. Not only is using the same word too many times throughout a paper repetitive, but it's irritating to read and takes away the meaning of the infected paragraph.
• I don't have a serious problem with this error anymore. My last paper may only have two or three that's, give or take. I know I can't slack off on this issue, but at least I know what to look for.
3. My supporting paragraphs hardly ever tie in with my thesis, or vise versa. Although this error is similar to the first, they're not the same. I could have great body paragraphs that fit so well into my paper. However, they have nothing to do with my thesis. Without the supporting paragraphs backing up the thesis, then there really isn't a point in writing them at all. I might as well have written an intro and conclusive paragraph and be done with my paper. 
• I could summarize my body sentences and refer them back to my thesis. If they have nothing to do with the whole purpose of the paper, then I could omit them, or try to revise them.