The Final Stretch -Part 2-

I do not think I fully achieved all that I wanted to because I'm still having very similar problems now as I did when the class started. However, I would not change my goals because they are exactly what I need to improve my college level writing. Being able to write clear and concise thesis statements and supporting paragraphs are the very essence of an essay. Without them, you basically have a jumbled up mess. 

The strengths I would like to continue working on would be to analysis texts and correctly use the rhetorical situation. My weaknesses are mentioned above.

The Final Stretch -Part 1-

For my portfolio I chose to revise my argument analysis. The strengths of my argument analysis were that I made some good points and I clearly put some thought and effort. The weakness were that I did not clarify my points and my evidence was not clearly tied to my thesis.

When revising my essay, I am going to clarify any and all pieces of evidence found within my supporting paragraphs. I am going to do so my asking myself how I could reword the information so that I might be able to understand if I were a reader of my own paper. For my personal response, I will relate the analysis section to my own personal experience with searching for a college. Overall, I plan to make the idea of the authors' bias writing be known throughout the paper.

"The believer is happy, the doubter is wise."

The most enjoyable essay I've written for this class is the ad analysis. I consider myself a young activist, and being able to chose an ad worthy of discussion made my day. Although I chose a Pedigree ad, I actually wanted to do one that had so many racist symbols in it. But for the sake of this blog post, I'll talk about the Pedigree one instead.

One of the first things you'll know about me is my love for animals. They bring joy into my life. When I first laid eyes on the series of Pedigree ads, I couldn't help but chose one for my paper. Not only did I get to write about a topic I'm passionate about, but I also had an OK time putting it together. There was structure. What I mean is that I could essentially break down the different parts of the essay into a well-organized outline: ad summary, meaning, target audience, etc. It was very clear as to what I needed to write in order to succeed. That doesn't mean it was the easiest to write, but at least I knew what to strive for in order to get a passing grade. Plus, who could resist the urge to talk about poor ol' shelter doggies? 

Strong and Weak Evidence

My essay is about why imposing a high tax on unhealthy foods in America will not help combat obesity, and is ultimately a bad idea.

Evidence Chart

Pathos

1. Sometimes I don't have time to make a proper meal at home, especially on busy days when I go to school and work. Buying a quick snack goes a long way during those moments.
2. People are responsible for their own weight, not the products.
3. It isn't fair for working, healthy Americans to pay more because of other people abusing the industry.

Logos 

1. The government already taxes income, alcohol, sales, and just about everything else in life.
2. Will effect poor people more than anybody else.
3. If junk food becomes expensive while healthy foods are just as expensive as they've always been, then what justice does that bring?
4. People still smoke, drink, and gamble even though there are taxes on all three.

Ethos

1. The tax provides income for the government.
2. It serves as a deterrent.
3. Money could fund programs regarding childhood obesity.
4. Junk food is not only too convenient, but also cheap; making it more expensive will encourage other foods to be eaten.
5. Where do you draw the line between healthy and unhealthy foods?

My most compelling evidence is my claim that the poorest people in our country would end up paying more in the long run because a high percentage of their income goes to food. Also, their main source of food comes from convenient stores and fast food chains, which sell all kinds of unhealthy products. This is strong evidence because it can be related to other legislative tax increases. Well-off or rich people don't suffer from a few percentage increases because they have the money. People who live from pay check to pay check don't have many options. They may sacrifice their health for a job or, in this case, eating food period. I will probably use this piece of evidence as my last example.

My weakest evidence is my claim that the government already taxes other vices, including alcohol, cigarettes, gas, and gambling. A person arguing against this idea could easily say, "Well, one more tax won't hurt," or that the tax will help those who eat too much. To strengthen this evidence, I will admit to by saying they are right to a certain extent; no one likes to pay more money. I will bring up cigarettes, for example, have been taxed more, yet people continue to smoke anyway. People would be willing to pay extra to get what they want.

Analyzing and Writing Arguments

I wrote my argument analysis paper based on the Get Smart About College article. These are the three points I have learned from analyzing the authors' argument:

1. Saum and McPherson had well written body paragraphs to support their main idea. In those paragraphs, they stated a few objections a skeptical reader might have about college and replied with some plausible explanations. Although I do not believe their explanations are entirely true, this method strengthen the overall quality of the article by making the authors seem less bias than they already are.
2. The authors wrote their article in an appropriate tone, which is friendly and understanding. The people mostly likely reading the article are concerned parents and confused students. It would have been counterproductive if the authors wrote in a tactless tone. Therefore, I now know how I present my words can be just as important as what I present.
3. The last thing I noticed is the evidence provided. The authors mention percentages and statistics throughout the paper. This weaken their argument because the audience does not know where they are receiving the information from. If I want my paper to be a strong one, I will make sure to provide substantial evidence to support my claim.

Peer Review

The peer review is very effective. Personally, I like meeting with one of my classmates instead of two or more people because we can really focus on each others' writing. Although the provided questions on the peer review sheet are not difficult to read, they can be difficult to understand while reviewing a rather complicated paper. The fault of this issue does not weigh heavily on the questions as much as it does on the students' understanding of the assignment. So I guess the only way it can be improved is to ask more questions for a better comprehension. This also ties into the weakness of a peer reviewer. If I do not fully understand the assignment, then I could potentially send another peer down the wrong path. Another one of my weaknesses is the drafting stages and deadlines. Most times, I can't type a full paper for a draft. I space out the weeks before the final deadline to write sections of the paper, and then have someone look over everything. The most I would have prepared for a draft peer review are the body paragraphs and central idea. Everything else that might be included (the conclusion, intro, and thesis) feel "rushed." Therefore, I don't bring my best ideas to the table. My strength is my grammar skills. I'm not perfect, but I always have a gut feeling (and use of past grammar classes) when a sentence uses improper grammar. 

My ideal peer review process is in a semi-casual setting with no judgements toward a paper. I find it helpful to do peer review after I have understood the concepts and have written an entire draft. One on one works best for me since larger groups tend to get off topic. The amount of time is okay. I like the fact that we are able to have more than one day to review. During the first article argument review session, I made mini deadlines to my peer reviewer. For example, I mentioned one of my weakness is not having a complete draft. I told my peer I would have a thesis or a personal analysis ready for him by the next meeting. He gave me tips and ideas on how I could construct the missing parts of my paper.

Persistant Little Buggers

The half-way mark of Writing I has arrived...with a vengeance. I would look at both of my papers, but one is currently unavailable...*ahem*. Anyway, here are my patterns of error I have identified within my papers:

1. I never get to the point of my paragraphs. Imagine a friend telling you and everyone around about her near-death experience. The beginning of her story draws everyone's attention, while the middle keeps them on their toes. Suddenly, she skips the most important part: the whole point of the story. Everybody wonders, "Why did XYZ happen?!" No one will ever know because she completely disregarded the significance. That's a more 'exciting' version what happens in my paragraphs. This makes the audience not want to continue reading my paper. Honestly, who wants to be strung along? 
• Writing the significance of each paragraph is probably my most difficult task in writing. I cannot guarantee my success in always correcting this mistake, but I could try to ask myself, "Okay...the point of ____ is...?"
2. The word that is constantly used throughout my paper. I was able to catch this error while writing a sociology paper. When I realized I use that too much, I had to look back on my ad analysis paper. And sure enough, I found more than plenty of the word. Not only is using the same word too many times throughout a paper repetitive, but it's irritating to read and takes away the meaning of the infected paragraph.
• I don't have a serious problem with this error anymore. My last paper may only have two or three that's, give or take. I know I can't slack off on this issue, but at least I know what to look for.
3. My supporting paragraphs hardly ever tie in with my thesis, or vise versa. Although this error is similar to the first, they're not the same. I could have great body paragraphs that fit so well into my paper. However, they have nothing to do with my thesis. Without the supporting paragraphs backing up the thesis, then there really isn't a point in writing them at all. I might as well have written an intro and conclusive paragraph and be done with my paper. 
• I could summarize my body sentences and refer them back to my thesis. If they have nothing to do with the whole purpose of the paper, then I could omit them, or try to revise them.

Get Smart About College

Get Smart About College, written by S. Baum and M. McPherson, discusses the process of picking out the right college for incoming freshmen. Parents and students may think they're 'dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's,' but they fail to realize the bigger picture when it comes to financing for school. One reason for this is how a school presents its financial aid, e.g. XYZ College charges $40,000 for tuition and offers a $10,000 scholarship, instead of simply stating they want to charge $30,000. The second reason why parents overlook the bigger picture is short-term thinking. Most often, people will see the school's price tag and only think about the first job their students will get straight out of college. In the end, the school with the best price will get chosen, instead of the one with the best fit for the student. The last reason the article mentions is due to the misleading warnings, bad examples, and "inspiring" stories. Some families think that college isn't worth it, or they hear of "captivating headlines." They don't understand the bias these stories hold. At the ends of each point are helpful tips for parents and students. 


I chose this article because I can personally relate to it. A year ago, I was in this position, desperately trying to pick the right college. I was never told the financial aspect to the decision making. I do think I would have an easier time writing about this because there are a lot of ideas I agree and disagree with.

Help Change the World

Some aspects of the class that have been helpful to me are the papers. I'm not particularly fond of writing, but having to write about different forms really put me in my place. They showed me where I was as a writer and helped me figure out what I needed to refine. Therefore, my writing process has definitely changed and improved since the beginning of the semester. My weakest link is elaborating on key points in paragraphs and explaining their significance. Once I go back and pick out the sentences that are just left without an explanation, I’m able to ask myself why that sentence is important to the overall topic of a paper. If needed, I’ll jot down a few reasons why it is or isn’t on a separate sheet of paper. If it is, then I go back to the paragraph where I found the ‘lone’ sentence and fix it. If the sentence is not relevant, then I not only take it out of my paper, but I recheck my key again to see if everything else supports my paper.

Another huge impact on my writing is the Writing Center. Although it’s not directly in the classroom, it’s been a great benefit to me. I’m able to meet with someone who’s been in my position, and have her breakdown the parts of my papers. I always ask her to be as honest and, dare I say, ‘nit-picky’ on anything she may not agree with while reading. She pointed out that even though writers finish their version of a final draft, there is always room for improvement.

Eat Pear-Flavored Applesauce.

So I tried making a venn diagram in Word--failed. Online? Don't wanna talk about it. Now I'm forced to do it the boring way...eh.


Writing an ad analysis and a literacy narrative essay are the same in the sense that they both express someone's thoughts and opinions. Depending on what the focus is for each of the papers, their tones can be serious or more on the casual side. Regardless, an ad analysis is always going to be different because the writer has to prove what's being written. She has to take specific examples from an ad to back up her argument. If she were to write a literacy narrative, there are no "facts" to back up her words, nor does she have to state them. Her narrative is a story from a moment in her life.


Considering these points affected the choices I made when writing my papers. Again, I have to pull information from the ad I'm analyzing to back up my arguments. 

Sad, Sad Doggy...

• Purpose. The purpose of this ad is to promote the PEDIGREE Adoption Drive, their dog food, and raise awareness of sheltered animals, particularly a dog named Echo. In the text, it states that when you buy Pedigree, a donation is made to help dogs in shelters find new homes. The lower right corner provides the total donations to shelters in 2008.
• Audience. The target audience is mostly adults who can afford to take care of a dog. However, it also attract families with children. The text features Echo's story of how she became the victim of a divorce case and how different her life is now. Many people can relate since Echo's story is very similar to others. 
• Genre. This ad is similar to other Pedigree Adoption Drive ads. The main characteristics of them all feature a sad shelter dog behind a fence and dark background. 
• Tone. The sad story about Echo while she is sitting in a dark lonely cage create a despairing tone. All the more reason for someone to take sympathy and help animals in shelters.

Revisions

The first paper of college is back in my hands...graded! Oh, the horror! ;O 

• How specifically does your final paper look different from your rough draft? 
• Actually, I had written a rough rough draft before peer reviewing. That draft was complete crap. I revised that edition to take to peer review. So technically, my second draft was the one reviewed. The difference of that draft and the final paper are the few grammatical mistakes and how I worded the paragraphs. 
• Did you make major revisions to the content, organization, focus, etc.? Why or why not?
• Definitely. After reading the revisions PowerPoint on omitting words and instead use better action verbs, I took out a lot of unnecessary wording. The organization of the paper was switched just a bit, but not too much to really throw off my main topic. 
• After revising your paper, are you able to identify your own pattern of error(for example, I know that as a writer I tend to be excessively wordy and am prone to comma splices)?
• I already knew what my main issue was before I started my paper. I'm terrible at explaining the significance of papers. Actually, I don't even write it. It's not that I don't want to or I'm lazy, I just have trouble with it. Likewise with clarifying the importance of some paragraphs. There would be a lot of 'junk' (I don't know a nicer word) added in all because I can't express my thoughts onto paper.
• What guided you to make the revisions you did? Was it peer review? Rereading your own paper? Other factors?
• There were two paragraphs I struggled with: one about an old game and the other about walkie-talkies. After re-reading them over and over again, I felt a strong urge to fix everything about my paper. 
• What aspect of your essay do you think is the strongest? The weakest?
• The paragraph retelling my first hands-on experience as a 'texter' is my strongest. It uses a nice flowing style and most of it is concise. As a writer, I feel like I got the message I wanted to portray in that paragraph. The weakest are the second to last and last paragraph. They have the most errors and don't sum up my feelings or significance of paper.

Overall, I say I did an OK job. I used the idea from "Shitty first drafts" to start out my paper. Usually I'll organize my thoughts into an outline, then build from there. The plus side is that I actually got my thoughts onto the screen without having writer's block. The bad side is that it's not something I'm used to. So all my thoughts were disorganized. It's good I got to experiment with a different writing style instead of using the "same ol, same ol,' but I think I'll stick to outlining. >.>

Irresponsible. I know.

1. Ideas. An excellent paper responds to the given assignment. It's interesting and and clearly communicates its main ideas. It may also recognize the opposing arguments, but will follow up with a well thought-out significance. Whereas a mediocre paper is a much weaker version. 
2. Style. Another reason an excellent paper is, well, excellent, is the level of detail. It will use a specific style and appropriate wording in all the right places at the right times. How a sentence is worded fits the paper's audience and purpose. They will focused and varied, instead of drawn out and unnecessary. The mediocre paper will be vague and use general dialogue. Its sentences may be repetitive and confusing. 
3. Requirements. This one is the most obvious tell tale signs. A paper will most likely receive an "A" if it has checked off all the requirements the teacher and/or rubric has asked for: size, font, margins, grammar, paper length, etc. There should be little to no mistakes. 

The biggest problem I have with writing a paper is style. I can never fully explain what needs to be explained while fitting in the right words. I always lack some detail that would ultimately make my papers great. For example, I could be at the last paragraph of my paper, which is usually the conclusion. Two or three sentences later, I'm done. I get feedback on that last paragraph and readers are left wondering what the bigger picture of my paper was. I clearly met the requirements, but in general, there's never enough substance.

Literary Narrative Ideas

1. The topic I want to write about involved me learning how to send text messages for the first time. Cell phones are fairly new pieces of technology and were completely different ten years ago than its present model. A lot of the interface and functions changed as technology advance. That never stopped me from trying to keep up with new times. 
• Writing about this topic inspires me to produce a well-written paper. I can clearly remember the facts and details, plus it is something that affects me today. The downside is that I can easily get off-topic.
2. Another idea could be the time I first listened to The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe being read aloud by my second grade teacher. She got be into reading fantasy books when I was younger. Although she wasn't the "sweetest" teacher ever, I really appreciated her reading such a higher level book to a bunch of seven-year-olds. Honestly, that was the only part of second grade I enjoyed.
• This topic could be made into a good paper. I can vividly explain my bookshelf filled with all my old children's fantasy/adventure books, or the reading times sitting on the rug in my old classroom while my teacher read to us. The downside is that there's a giant gap between then and now because I don't have the time to read an adult fantasy/adventure book for fun anymore.
3. The last topic I can think of would date back to the first grade. I would purposely get in trouble just to write what I did was bad multiple times on one of those handwriting papers.  I started writing while I was in pre-k and since then have gotten a lot of compliments on my handwriting. I guess I wanted to see my pretty writing on something tangible. My teacher figured out what I was up to. So I had to ask for her permission to write on these.



Handwriting paper.

• I can't really think of any pros to writing this into a paper. I basically summed up every detail into that one paragraph. This topic is covered in such a short period of time that I can't possibly write a three paged paper without me adding unnecessary words in there. Good times, though. 

Why am I taking English 101?

The short answer is that English 101 is a requirement. To be more specific, it's more than a requirement for my undergrad. Vet schools also require an english class as part of their "pre-vet" advising. Even though english is not a science class, being a veterinarian is more than just chemicals and anatomy. Having such title means you are a DVM; you've completed thee to four years of undergrad and four years of graduate/vet school. Last time I checked, six to seven years of college means you need to do a lot of writing. Not only that, english is also about communication and how we present our thoughts and ideas to others; whether it's through an essay or discussing the next possible treatment for an on-going disease.